A different week

It’s been a week without you. Everything seems rather different since the past three years especially the past two months have been revolving around you. It seemed a burden that you were the centre of the subject last time but now we’re dying to have you as the centre of the subject. Today’s reading of your will really showed in paper how much you loved all of us. There were so many things you did silently and did not brag about. Now we know how much you’ve done for us. I feel unworthy.

I have to say I miss the times we used to feed you in the hospital. Though it would take us two hours to feed you lunch or dinner, it was time well spent with you. Although you were not completely responsive then, your physical presence meant a lot. Now only the memory of you lives in us.

It was sad seeing your lifeless body. It was hard to accept. To be honest, I’m afraid of watching someone sleep now as I’m afraid I might see them stop breathing as well. You looked very peaceful, like you were having a very good sleep and would probably wake up in a few hours time. But it turned out you were going to sleep forever. You seemed perfectly normal when I tried to wake you up. Except that no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to succeed. Unless my initials were J.C. I used to watch you sleep and noticed how u took breaths with long intervals when you slept. I used to worry you’d stop breathing. But I never knew that day would actually come. The night before when you said to mama you wanted to talk to me, I should have tried harder to make you talk to me. I guess now I’ll never hear you. I feel very unworthy being the last and only person you saw before you moved on, the last person to feed you.

When you came home, you sat the car sleeping like how you always did. Except this time they had a tag on you, placed on your shirt. It didn’t look pleasant. They made you look like an item. When you were placed on the bed, you looked like you were sleeping peacefully again. And would wake up for dinner. But you never did.

The biggest pain of all would be the pity for you. I felt sorry that you didn’t get to come home, as you almost did. Just one hour short. You didn’t get to see Lucky.

***

I hope you like your new house and car. We tried our best to furnish it well. I hope you like your new place. Hope you’ve met up with Hong and granny. I’m sure granny will take care of you well just like she did last time. After all, you are her favourite son.

I’m sure you would have seen many of your friends, even old friends and neighbours, who came and visited you. They were very proud that you pulled through this far. There were a good number of people every night and that made us feel good as well. I’m sure you were happy to see all of their faces.

It’s good to know you’re finally peaceful and free of your suffering which you endured and did not make us worry about. We’re all going to miss you a lot but we know that it’s only the absence of your physical presence. You are always in our hearts and in our memory.

Will speak to you soon papa. Sleep well.