my dad the spy

some nonsense from paul's blog which doesn't make any sense but is quite fun:


So this Chinese New Year, since Peter can drive already, our parents allowed him to drive us around during the visits. Went to Mantin, Seremban, and Malacca. Pete's driving has improved hell a lot. Not bad. And so during the journey, I was talking cock about how my dad is actually a spy. Like James Bond and Sydney Bristow (from Alias. I like Alias).

Heh I'm composing this talk cock post and my dad is just beside me using the laptop.

It's a long post, but just read.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS JUST A TALK COCK POST. ALL LINKS TO MI6 AND KGB ARE FICTIONAL.

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It started of when Pete asked how come the back bumper of my dad's Aston Martin was spoilt. Some component was missing. But we didn't really bother coz knowing my dad's style of driving, probably he just knocked into something when reversing his Aston and so that component fell out.

Then somewere in Malacca, Pete noticed that the front light had some problem. So then it all fit in. All the small scratches and missing components on his Aston Martin were obvious tell-tale signs that he is a spy and uses that car to chase all the bad mats around KL. Then I looked into my dad's daily activities, like what time he leaves home, what time he comes back. I also traced his activities from the past years, and also they fit in. Read on to find out more.

My dad went to the UK for post-grad. I suspect that it was during his tenure in the UK when the British Secret Service, or more specifically MI6 recruited him into the service. After rigorous training in UK, MI6 sent my dad back to Malaysia as an agent. Back in Malaysia, he settled down, got a job, started a family, all in an attempt to lay low to show that he's just another normal Malaysian living in KL. As all spies do, they cannot afford to lead an attention-grabbing lifestyle so that the Malaysian Secret Service, or rather Sikret Servis Malaysia won't suspect him of being an MI6 spy.

So for the early years of his children's lives, he was often called to the hospital at the middle of the night, or so we thought, where MI6 would task him with an attack or assasination of a target. It's a damn smart plot coz my dad would tell my mum stuff like 'Oh there's a burn case' or something liddat. But in actual fact, the incident hasn't even taken place. So what happens is that my dad will go whack up some baddy mat, and injure him in whatever way he has told my mum. So for eg. when he said there's someone who got a bad burn, my dad will go whack up that mat then burn him. So the news will report it as such, thus no suspicions on my dad.

Smart eh?

Next, there were many times when we were supposed to have family outings but my dad couldn't join us. Well, duty calls. He was even sent to China in the early 1990s supposedly under a Malaysian medical organisation, but now I know that he went there to sabotage the Communist regime to quicken the transition of China from an extreme socialist state to a more capitalist one. Eh, later on my dad's brother went there too!!! Wow it explains everything! So my uncle too is a MI6 spy! Afterall, they went to UK together.

My dad's car, I mean Aston Martin, has all that scratches and stuff coz he always chases the bad mats around the kampung areas in KL. This also explains why he knows the kampung roads of KL very well. I always wondered how my dad knows the kampung roads so damn well. So that explains it.

MI6 presently relays information to my dad via three methods.

#1) ASTRO Channel 112 ie the Chinese radio station. After a long day at work, or rather killing bad mats, my dad would come home, bathe and lie down on the couch while listening to the Chinese songs on TV. We always thought like why can't he just watch TV instead of lying down on the couch, sleeping while listening to Chinese songs. But I think he's actually not listening to Chineses songs. To us other 5 people in the house who dunno Chinese, it sounds like Chinese songs. But actually it's instruction by MI6 embedded in the lyrics of the song. Since we dunno what the lyrics mean, it's just some Chinese song to us, but to my dad it's the next assignment. The relay is made possible since the ASTRO decoders are specific to each household. So my dad put some MI6 chip into the decoder to receive the information from MI6.

#2) Spider Solitaire. My dad loves to play spider solitaire, like what he is doing now. Just like the above, he's actually receivng intel on the next assignment from MI6. Note that his laptop is connected to the internet now. So what MI6 does is to send codes using the different card arrangements to my dad's laptop which my dad then translates the codes into information.

#3) Conference souvenirs. My dad receives a lot of souvenirs from the conferences he goes to. Actually, they aren't real souvenirs. It's components to make his gadgets for his assignments. MI6 could also put in intel on the assignment.

And how does my dad relay information back to MI6?

#1) Medical journals. My dad spends a lot of time composing journals and reports, but actually they aren't what it seems. Embedded in the journals are codes and parcels of information to be sent back to MI6.

#2) Meetings. My dad always has some meeting either at the Club or at the Malaysian Medical Association. Considering the high status of these organisations, I can't help but to believe that they are possibly cover names for the MI6 operations base in KL. Just like how the bank Creadit Dauphine was a cover for the SD6 operations in the hit TV series Alias.

#3) Emails. Encrypted emails of course.In the past, MI6 used to send information to my dad via books since the internet was not up yet. My dad has a huge collection of medical texts, novels and stuff from the UK. Considering all this, it's now easy to believe that they actually contain codes from MI6.

The fact that my dad went back to the UK from 2000-2003 and that we had to shift house was because my dad was tasked with a deep undercover assignment. Due to the high risk involved, my family had to be relocated to somewhere more secure so that we can't be harmed should he be compromised. Also explains why we never went to visit him.

Speaking of danger, it also explains why my dad went to Singapore for the Medical Conference sometime last year. It was no coincidence that the assassination of the ex-Russian spy and my dad's medical conference happened at the same time. MI6 knew that their spies were under threat by the KGB so they sent my dad to Singapore for the conference. In the presence of many other high-profile doctors in the region, not forgetting the countless private bodyguards and secret police safeguarding the secutiry of the international delagates, MI6 could ensure that my dad would be safe in the meantime, while they sent their own agents to eliminate any KGB agents in KL tasked to eliminate my dad.

Oh, not forgetting about the new house we bought. Supposed to get the key somewhere in March, but my mum said there are some delays so we will only get the key in April. You wanna know why? Coz my dad told the contractors to delay is so that the MI6 technicians can install the secret weapons and computer compartments. Perhaps the secret basement and attic too.

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